Ha just realized that I actually have a blog! And it's still working. Last post more than a year ago, it's really more of my diary than anything else hee.
Anyways this is more out of desperation I guess, this post I mean. As the title reveals, I do indeed feel rather lonely now. Not in the sense of needing a partner or anything, but even just friends whom I could share my heart with, people who will understand where I am at, what I am going through. I don't have many friends whom I can do just that, and those who do are miles away, and communicating through the Internet can only go so far.
I guess I am quite surprised that I am only feeling this after being in Tanzania for 7 and a half months. This shows how independent I can be with my emotions for one, being a guy is one reason, and maybe also being a person who is not very emotional I suppose. On top of that, I guess different things have happened and accumulated to what it is now. The most important being my walk with god I think, I believe that one of the reasons I have been okay so far has been my relationship with god. With him I need nothing else. I have everything I need in him.
Relationship with teammates hasn't been easy, and my pride seems to be a blockage between god and myself. I am willing that god deals with me, but even with the mental obedience, the actions seem to be falling behind. Indeed god cannot use us further until he deals and purifiy us, cuz he desires nothing less than perfection in us, for he is so holy. He purifies us like gold in the fire so that all impurities will be removed. We have been called to lead a holy life the bible says.
From relationship with teammates to "relationship" issues. I guess I have gotten over it by now, I think. I have learned a lot, sadly through experience, but I don't know any other way. But things that I thought I knew I knew not, not really at least. But I thank god, my focus is back on god, truly I do not desire anything else, if he wills that I have a wife, I will wait and welcome that and hope to be able to be a good husband.
I have learned many things on this trip. Many truths, being reinforced through experience. Growing continually in this walk with god. Being humbled time and again. Truly we are called to walk humbly before our god.
Let me press on. God is good, his love indeed endures forever. I shall not be put to shame.
